A, a professor
B, a broker
C, B's wife
D, a student
Darrel, a student
R-O, a voice
1
D I get this descriptions thing, I think. But I think A is holding back, not telling us the important stuff. The course is just beginning, and he is going through all kinds of examples and such. I don't know what to look for or to write, for God's sake. But the text from the Lord of the Rings was really great. And he said it came from the movie, not the book. What do you think?
C Beats me. I don't know how I am going to use any of this stuff. Three weeks into term and I don't know what it's about. I don't know.
D Well, let's give it a chance. I enjoy having you there in class with me. Like old times, sort of. Plus there are some cute younger guys.
C Sure, but. . . . Well, it had better get more, um, more . . . specific. I am here for the fun of it and it's not much of that, yet.
D Bad news. But hey, I know. Not supposed to be the point. But some of them are nice scenery. Look but don't touch. I'm not into these kids. In college. Whew. Some are so young!
C Well, I haven't seen anything as nice as B. And I'm not looking.
D I'm not either. But you have to look in order to describe, right?
C Hmm. I guess so. But really, D. You are such a persistent pill sometimes.
2
B How was your day?
C Oh. Same old, same old. But I did see Heather Childs today. She said Charlie is in the hospital.
I didn't know that. Is it serious?
No, I don't think so. Something about observation.
So this is not a scheduled visit but something maybe serious.
Maybe. Maybe you could stop by tomorrow afternoon.
For sure. Charlie is a great guy, and he spends a little money with me. Should at least pop in and see how he's doing.
Good. Say, want to watch that new movie at the Cinemax on Friday?
Which one?
The one with that hunk of an actor, what's his name?
You mean the one who is married in real life to that delicious blonde, what's her name?
Boys will be boys. Yes. That one. Pamela, I think. Something. What was his name?
Rock Hudson.
You're kidding.
Nope.
Yes you are.
Let's go. I think she is a great actress.
Of course you do.
3
C This is to die for.
D Everyone says that. We should try to describe the experience of dying from an overdose of chocolate.
Never mind that. You can just say mmm, and there you have it. All the description you need.
Mmm.
Yep.
After each had had two point five mouthfuls, the real death began.
C This is really sinful, and too sweet. I have had almost enough.
C slowly lifted the dessert fork to her mouth with a small corner of the poison.
D Pretty rich, I'd say.
Mmmm.
4
B Are you saving that last bite for me?
D You can have mine too. I have had it. Too rich.
Thanks. What are you girls solving here.
C Chocolate. We had class and came here. Thought we'd sin without being seen. Then you came along. We're busted.
B I love to see others sin. Especially catching them in the act.
C Oh, you don't.
Yes, I do. Especially two beautiful women.
That's suggestive. But we're really innocent. Aren't we D?
That's right. But I did have a big O a short while ago. You missed it. So did C, busy having her own.
This is a different D, thought B.
C Whether I did or didn't I can't say.
I'd like to have been a fly on the wall and seen what was going on before I came.
Seen? You mean heard. C was screaming. Well, not exactly too loud, but it was with delicious pleasure all the same.
I think we can change the subject.
Yes, I suppose so.
B How was class?
D Great. It is too bad it meets just once a week. I think it is going to be really my best class this term. I mean the one I am most interested in. That is the way of electives. They are like icing on the cake. In fact, they are like this cake, all icing.
You mean the course is that good? Like to die for, or sex.
It is sexy, but in the way of being so tempting, and each time I approach each new topic, my heart literally starts pounding. I find so much there to think about and apply to . . . life. You know, in my own . . . struggles.
You don't have struggles.
Hmm, yes I do. And this course, maybe it is the readings or Professor A. I prefer to work on this course and go to class. My other courses are great. But this is greater.
Got it for the Professor, eh?
Nothing like that.
Oh.
No. Right C? He is nice looking and all. But too old for me. But when he opens his mouth or writes something on the board, my senses come alive. The words just touch me somehow.
Touch you . . .
Yes. But not what you are thinking. Bad boy. C you really have to pay more attention to your husband's, er, cravings, for chocolate cake or something.
I do. Don't I, dear?
Yes. Yes. We're not talking about that. And what about you. Do you find the course as stimulating?
I do. I think. I am not sure exactly. D is used to this kind of stuff. I am more practical or something. If stories, for example, are what make our reality, how do stories get to be the same and have the same meanings? I can't quite make sense of that. A said that tonight. I don't know.
Well, I think you have summarized the topic for this evening's class, and I also think we did not get to an answer. I think we need to go deeper. That is why I am excited. More readings of Germans in translation, I think, plus more from A. For sure he's holding back. I think he thinks we should somehow find the answer through experience. I just don't know what that would be other than coming up with our own descriptions.
Like the cake?
Yea, like the cake. As difficult as it can be to do, we should try to do it, in words.
B You've lost me. I am back there with cake, or sex. And that is all pretty interesting. How your course has anything to do with cake is beyond me.
Well, that's why I am taking the course.
Oh.
Yes, it is sort of like that. And it is getting late. Must be about my beauty rest.
Let's pay and call it a night. I have to go to work in the morning.
And I have to get up early.
They packed up books, notebooks and bags, and B paid at the cashier's.
It is nice to see you again, D, said B.
Next week if not before.
Can we give you a lift? C said to D.
D No, I can walk.
For a woman to walk home in the dark after ten was quite safe in ???. D felt safe, and C and B felt comfortable letting her go. ??? had little experience with muggers and stalkers and crime. A safe haven in a world of voyeurs and others.
Were you flirting with D?
Yes. But let's go. I have to get up early.
5
Professor A, may I have a word with you? she asked standing in his office doorway.
Of course. You are? Thursday's talking-talk class, aren't you. D. A lot of younger students in there, aren't there? Well except for my . . .
Yes, well. I was just interested in knowing more about something that we, well, talked about last week. I spent some hours on the weekend thinking about reflection and reflexivity. I can't quite understand these things. I know I should. They are pretty common words, and I have done some of the readings.
Sit down. Sit down. Well, you wouldn't be the first to meditate on these words. After all, books and articles and at least half the departments in the university use these terms. Why, literature studies alone nowadays is replete with histories of contemplation, contemplating one's navel that is. What is it about them you are having trouble with.
Well, I wasn't meditating exactly. I guess I just don't understand what we are trying to do in class. How reflection fits in, I guess.
You mean how reflection fits into your studies.
Yes, I suppose.
Reflection is always personal. It takes a subject. Hmm. That won't do.
A stopped for a moment and looked up to the ceiling as if the answer were written somewhere up there.
Let me see if I can conjure up a simple definition for our purposes. Let's say I have an experience. And I sense it is remarkable in some way. I think about it, after I have had it. That is reflection. Looking back to see what was there. But not only that, how I experienced whatever that was too.
That's pretty simple. I think I got that far already. But I don't usually do it, I mean myself, looking back, that is. But I see what you mean. But why is it so important for our purposes, as you said. Maybe I just am feeling a bit primitive in that that is not something I usually deliberately do. I just usually do, whatever, anything. And I don't give much thought about it. Afterwards that is.
Interesting. You just did.
What?
You just looked back, on yourself or your behavior. Not specifically maybe, but back all the same. And you . . . no, let's let that go.
We may be missing something. Let me see if I can conjure up an example this time. Something to show how it might be important for, for. . . . Let me see.
He looked up at the ceiling again.
I have it here. For 'who we are and what is possible for us'. The course description.
Okay. I think I am following you.
I look out my window and I see students walking to and fro. In the commons right out there. And I observe one or many for a time, today. And then I turn around and ask two questions. What did I experience? and how did I experience it? Simplified phenomenology al la Husserl, for example. He would not see it quite so simply, I'm afraid, but that is beside the point. The two questions are the reflection. Now, after I sort out these questions, provided of course I eliminate any and all preconceptions about the students, where they are coming from, where they are going, that they are even students, I should have something like a pure or unadorned description. That is what reflection can do for you. Gives you another experience, if you will, to most precisely describe another it in the immediate or distant past.
This is getting a little deep. But if I do all of that, once I get it into my brain, and it will for sure take longer than having the first experience itself, what is it good for?
Indeed it will take longer than the immediate experience. And the point, if you want to frame it like that, is what you uncover, maybe what you discover.
Okay. Just another experience, right? I mean you do something and then you look at it from different angles. And that looking, I guess I would call it, is another experience. And I can look at that, and so on. Seems like a never ending story, I mean fiction, to me.
I guess you can look at it that way for now, but I wouldn't stop there. You have to do the description before you can judge its worth. I think you will find you are not thinking or writing fiction. Far from it. Just as you have to experience something to appreciate it fully versus talking about it before the fact. Give it a try. That is how I have set it up for you. Assignment two, due next class, in a few days. Have you started writing yet?
No. I guess I was sort of stuck over the weekend. This has helped. But what does watching what is going on outside your window, for example, lead you to? It is kind of like the ivory tower, if I can say that. If I told anyone at work, they would say . . .
Don't worry about that or them. When I finish my study, I will let you see it.
You mean you are really going to do this exercise just like us, you and your window? I would like to see that. Before I have to give you my assignment.
I am sure you would, if you want to avoid coming to terms with your own way of experience. I have to think about whether you can see it, in actual fact, or not. I will do my study. I have been thinking about doing something like my example. You will have to wait. But I think there is more to any procrastination about this next assignment. You may have the block inside you.
I don't see it as a block so much as lack of knowledge or skill, or knowing what you want.
It is not about what I want.
Oh.
Trust yourself. Take the assignment as given. And do the best you can without writing a book. It is due Thursday, and I hope we can summarize a few from the class and discuss them a bit.
I will do my best. But . . .
But?
This is unfamiliar territory for me. It is not, can I say, my normal way of doing things.
Ah, you have articulated the rationale for this course and getting an education and a myriad of other things. Except an education is sometimes not so much about learning about doing as about thinking and being.
That is what I thought. This is about life, isn't it?
A said nothing and just looked at her.
But my feelings tell me to go ahead carefully. My head doesn't tell me that. I guess I need to engage my head a bit more on this one.
Whatever works. I suspect reflection, as you put your problem or wonder, is at the heart of it. And that could be something not about the course and what we are talking about and more about you. Do you want to learn more about you?
Sure.
Give the assignment a try and we can discuss it in class.
That would be fine, except for . . .
For anything deeply personal that you might find in your navel contemplations?
Yes. Navel contemplations. I will be watching my navel? I guess I see that. Maybe I don't want to share some of that
Well, contemplating one's navel is an oversimplification. We can talk more about that later. And of course you can share what you feel comfortable with, and leave out the rest.
D left the office. It was not until she was out in the commons herself that she discovered her teacher had not really answered her question. Just put it back on her. And he hadn't even mentioned reflexivity.
6
B Who is D talking to?
C Oh, that's our teacher. The one for the class I'm taking.
What's his name?
Professor A
Nice looking man.
Can you see him from here?
D and the Professor paused under a walkway lamp. In the tent of light that clearly showed these actors, they were conversing, but it appeared that D was worried or anxious. She gestured with her arms, messenger bag thrown back over her shoulder. They were unaware of any audience.
D seems pretty intense. What are they talking about?
I don't know. Something about Professor A's work, I think. I don't understand it. D is pretty interested in it.
Pretty interested in his work or him?
His work, I'm pretty sure. A is too old for D, but you never know. Anyway, let's go. I'm tired.
Okay. But it looks like she's doing the talking. He is mostly listening.
Is this interesting for you?
Oh, no. Women and men, you know. I haven't got much to do these days. The market is in the middle of one of its even, steady-as-she-goes cycles. Clients are quiet. No new business. I'm just sort of distracted, that's all.
7
Where have you been, C said as if singing it, you hitting an elongated high note.
B Walking. In the park.
Which park?
B was collecting himself still. He answered in a desultory way, The one that goes up to Sisyphus. I sort of got caught in the dark. Lucky I found the car. Stumbled my way back to the lot. Sorry I am late.
Are you hungry?
Yes, a little. What have we got?
Didn't you read my note? Meat loaf. It's still warm.
B didn't respond. He seemed caught in some kind of whirlpool of thought, some reverie.
B?
Yes. Oh.
Is something wrong?
Oh, no. No. Where's that meat loaf.
In the oven, hiding there for you to find it. I will cut you a piece. Sandwich or on a plate with some ketchup?
Oh, sandwich please. Ketchup if it is warm. Otherwise mayo.
Coming right up. There is some leftover wine, if you like.
I like. I could use a little something to elegantify the main course.
Elegantify? Well, we are becoming chipper. And at this time of night. Or is this something about my pedestrian cuisine. Two can play the same game, you know.
Yep. Chipper. That's what it is. I saw A on my way home. I think it was A. Does he live on the west side? He was walking in that direction.
I don't know. You went by school? Did you forget I had my car?
No. Just on my way home. He was walking on Third Street, a block or two from The Huddle. Does he have a thing for D?
I don't think so. Could be. You know, dirty old men and all of that. D is, well, attractive, wouldn't you say?
I would. Definitely.
She's interested in him, though. They have met two or three times outside of class in just the past week alone. I think she finds him, um, interesting.
Interesting. In what way?
Don't know. Wasn't there. Here's the beef, kiddo. Ketchup, not mayo.
Thanks.
Why do you ask?
Ask what?
About D.
I didn't ask about D.
Yes, you did.
I was just interested in A, that's all. Seems like an interesting guy.
He is.
Does he ever walk up by Sisyphus.
I have no idea. I don't know him except for class. D might know. Meaningful pause. You could ask her.
B ignored this last remark. He was digging in to his late evening repast. And that is how he thought of it, as a repast. He was now in some kind of zone that had to do with mindfully delighting in C's meat loaf, the best. Still warm and with a fresh blob of ketchup on top.
C broke the silence. You could take a class, you know. We could do it together. It would be fun. A is interesting and has a lot of things to talk about. There are other professors over there, and it's so easy to take a course or sit in on one. As residents of ???, we have special dispensation or something where the cost of attendance is free, or almost. You have to buy the books and stuff if you really want to learn something. And doing the assignments is optional. But I think doing them, I learn more. Feel more a part of the group. And we can meet interesting people there. They're not all students.
There's an idea. Did you and D plan on taking the class together or did it just work out that way?
We planned it, but she is taking the course for credit. So our interests, or should I say commitment, is different.
Oh.
He took another bite and chased it with a swig of wine, cold from the fridge.
Well, I'm tired. I'm going to get ready for bed.
Be there pretty quick. Don't fall asleep.
8
B Rise and shine. You have a doctor's appointment today. Before your luncheon with the auxiliary. I've made coffee for you.
Oh. Thanks, dear. Where are you off to? Don't you have to work?
Market's closed today. Nothing pressing. I thought I'd get out for a walk early. I'll be back by lunchtime and maybe blow off the rest of the day. I'm feeling expansive.
This is too . . . I just woke up. Give me a few moments.
Sure. Spring is in the air and I'm feeling fresh, fresh as an adolescent with ants in my pants. Gotta move.
Oh, God. What do I have here?
B was out the door a few minutes later in his shorts, a T-shirt and running shoes. C heard the car pull out of the driveway.
Now, what has gotten into him?
She sat down and took a sip of coffee. The phone rang.
C?
Yes, D?
Yeah. Can you believe that class last night. I was so embarrassed. I don't want to be on stage, the one whose paper gets discussed. The discussion got a little personal, don't you think? Have you finished yours yet?
Yes, I am ready to turn it in. I hope he has time to read it. It would be nice to get some feedback. I'm sure mine is not as interesting as yours, but I worked hard on it. Say, aren't you at work?
Well, actually I was calling my sister, but somehow dialed your number. Sorry. But now that I have you, do you want me to read your paper before you turn it in?
No, I think it will do for now. Maybe when I can turn it in on time next time. And I could read yours.
Sounds good. Got to get back to work. Boss's coming.
C hung up and sat down again at the breakfast table. Things were strange, not ordinary, not as usual, different.
9
After exchanging pleasantries and leaving unacknowledged their past association, they were homecoming king and queen ages ago at Fairmont Senior High School, C asked him straight out.
What would it cost to have someone followed?
10
C You're here. Whose car is that in the garage?
B What? Guess.
Guess? It's new. No clue.
B said nothing.
You didn't.
I did.
But where is my car?
In the garage.
No.
Where is your car, then?
I gave it to a homeless person.
This stopped her again in her tracks.
What?
No, mine is being serviced. Didn't I tell you?
