But this dialogue is imagined, not a transcript of an actual first meeting. That is a weakness in "proving" a suspected phenomenon currently without a name.]
GIRL: Got a sure-fire pickup line for me?
BOY: I'm sorry?
GIRL: That won't do. OK. I said, do you have something you want to say to get my attention? You know, to get me to talk to you, like pick me up or something.
BOY: Oh, um. Well, you're talking to me already.
GIRL: Want to play the game or should I go?
BOY: I would like to taste the flavor of that gum in your mouth.
GIRL: Good. Good. But not good enough. Try again.
BOY: You don't look your age.
GIRL: And? Something else?
_Pause_
How am I supposed to take that?
BOY: You're wearing bobby sox. Makes you look young.
GIRL: Wait a minute. Wait. So you're telling me I look older because my socks make me look younger? What kind of a line is that?
BOY: No good, huh?
GIRL: That's not the game. You are supposed to flatter me or something.
BOY: Who said anything about rules? The object of the game, according to you is . . .
GIRL: Yea I know. But this is not how it is supposed to go.
BOY: You started it.
GIRL: And I can finish it.
BOY: I like it when big girls threaten us shorter men.
GIRL: You're not short, are you?
BOY: I'm sitting on a bar stool and you are standing over me, a bit close I might add. But I like that. Wanna play dominatrix . . . kid?
GIRL: This really isn't going . . .
BOY: OK. Start over.
GIRL: Got any clever words for a girl who really wants to talk to you but is really, really shy?
_Pause_
What's the matter? Now you say something.
BOY: I'm thinking.
GIRL: Hey you could lose this one. Anything. Out with it. This is supposed to be fast, spontaneous, funnnn.
BOY: OK. OK. Wait a minute. Naughty?
GIRL: Naughty is fine.
BOY: I would like to kiss your left nipple right here, right now.
GIRL: I don't have one.
BOY: That was good.
GIRL: No, really. I don't have one.
BOY: Show me.
GIRL: Game over.
BOY: It was just getting good.
GIRL: No. You were too naughty.
BOY: I give up. You keep coming up with rules, rules after I break them.
GIRL: Don't give up. That game is over, so we can start a new one. What's your sign?
BOY: My name is Brad.
GIRL: I said sign, dummy.
BRAD: Just cutting to the chase. What's your real name?
GIRL: Alice, and I'm a virgo.
BRAD: Really?
ALICE: You really are naughty. Do you treat all your girlfriends this way?
BRAD: Now we're making progress.
ALICE: I meant are you always so difficult?
BRAD: This sounds like the beginning of our first argument. First we meet, have a little chat, exchange names, jump into a relationship and now this. What do you think?
ALICE: Naughty and quick. You could have fooled me from over there. But now I think you should buy me a drink or something.
BRAD: Your place or mine?
ALICE: Brad, I'm thirsty. I'll have the same as you. And that drink had better be here by the time I get back or this game really will be over. I have to visit a mirror.
BRAD: Is that a threat or a promise.
ALICE: Promise. A promise sounds nicer. But be careful. You don't know if I'm nice or nasty--yet.
BRAD: I'm betting nice. All my friends are nice.
ALICE: How many friends?
_Interlude_
ALICE: I was thinking. A girl kind of wants to be romanced a little before you get to the body stuff. Your lines are clever but not very romantic.
BRAD: I'm a guy. Guys think about stuff like that. If you ask for an off-the-top response, that is what you'll probably get.
ALICE: I know.
BRAD: So, is there a problem?
ALICE: No. I'm back, aren't I? Where's my drink?
BRAD: I ordered it, but it's not my fault it isn't here. You will have to threaten the bartender this time, not me.
ALICE: I am not really serious about threatening anyone. It was just part of the game.
BRAD: So are we still in a game?
ALICE: Doesn't feel like it. Would you like another? game I mean?
BRAD: No, not right now. I like to take things a bit slower. You? another game?
ALICE: How many girlfriends do you have?
BRAD: Only you.
ALICE: Game. Game?
BRAD: No, a dance. Dancing is more like the truth. Games are somehow not real. Fun, but not real.
ALICE: OK. How many girlfriends?
BRAD: I said only you, but that really isn't true, is it? We just met.
ALICE: Yea. You're right. I hate it when someone else is right. And I guess I started it. Almost turned into a fight. But I only left for a little while, to check the, um, mirror.
BRAD: And what did you see?
ALICE: I think you are attractive, Brad. I think I saw a girl with a chance. A chance for something. Something more than I have had, something more than I am used to. So I took a chance. Am I wrong?
BRAD: But you don't know anything about me.
ALICE: So tell me.
BRAD: Well, for a start, I have a lot of girl friends, but no girlfriends. And I'm a geek. A computer programmer. I come here to get away from work. It is all-consuming, and if I don't get away, my diet goes to hell.
ALICE: A man with order and discipline.
BRAD: Yes, and I'm OK with that. Not for everybody, but I like what I do. So what do you do?
ALICE: I come to places like this and try to meet guys like you.
BRAD: I don't try to meet guys.
ALICE: Oh, a grammarian also. Figures.
BRAD: Comes with the calling. Strict rules for working; same for life.
ALICE: Sounds boring. What about spontaneity?
BRAD: Well, you saw what comes out when you ask me about spontaneous.
ALICE: I see your point.
BRAD: Your job, really.
ALICE: I work for a magazine. A proofreader no less, and no more, unfortunately. But I don't always talk correctly.
BRAD: Do you usually say what you mean?
ALICE: Sure. Except when I try to . . .
BRAD: Pick on guys like me.
ALICE: No no. Pick up guys like you.
BRAD: And this is really how you spend your time? other than sleeping, eating and editing?
ALICE: No. Not editing. I wish. That's what I meant about nothing more . . .
BRAD: OK, I told you about me. Tell me more about you. Career ceilings and all of that.
ALICE: Let's dance. This is nice music. You like music?
BRAD: No.
ALICE: But you can dance?!
BRAD: Teach me. Guys, they like sexy teachers.
ALICE: OK, Guy. Come on.
_Interlude_
FRIEND: So what's he like?
ALICE: I can't tell.
FRIEND: He can't dance, can he?
ALICE: No, but that's not everything. He's cute. He also has one thing on his mind.
FRIEND: I don't have to guess.
ALICE: Right.
FRIEND: So you'll be here when he gets back from the loo.
ALICE: Sure. I still have this drink that he's going to pay for.
FRIEND: Mercenary.
ALICE: All's fair!
FRIEND: You sound like a hardened, fast-dating predator.
ALICE: Do I? I don't think I'm a predator exactly.
FRIEND: Eat or get eaten.
ALICE: Janie!
JANIE: Just having a little fun. Girls night out ya know.,
ALICE: I kind of like him. I don't know why.
JANIE: Time to find out. Here he comes.
ALICE: Stay here for a moment.
JANIE: Give me a signal if you want to be alone.
ALICE: It's not like that, yet.
JANIE: He's more than cute. But can he read and write?
ALICE: Talking is enough to start with.
JANIE: I could think of . . .
ALICE: Shh.
BRAD: Hello.
JANIE: Hi.
BRAD: Two pretty girls.
ALICE: Janie was just going.
JANIE: But you said . . .
ALICE: I changed my mind.
BRAD: Janie. That's a nice name.
JANIE: Thanks. You're Brad. Alice was just telling me . . .
ALICE: Nothing. Nothing!
BRAD: Telling you?
ALICE: Janie has a very jealous boyfriend right over there. If he sees you talking to Brad much longer, he's gonna come over here and punch somebody's lights out.
BRAD: I've done nothing.
JANIE: Neither have I, and besides, my beau needs to learn to lighten up.
ALICE: I give.
BRAD: So how do you know . . .
ALICE: We work together. At the date-rape crisis center. Right, Janie?
JANIE: Er, yea, right. We see a lot of that stuff around here.
BRAD: Date-rape crisis center? I didn't know there was such a thing.
ALICE: Yes. Well, we just got going. We got a grant . . . from, er, the Footsie Foundation. Yea. I mean yeah!
BRAD: And how did you guys get involved in something like that? I hope not personal experience, as victims, I mean. Could be pretty traumatic. I knew a guy who says he got raped at a party.
JANIE: Really? How does that work? I mean you usually don't think . . .
ALICE: Yea. We don't see that much of that. In fact, I don't think we ever . . .
JANIE: Yea, but we just started. We just got the grant. Getting the office and crisis line going and stuff.
BRAD: What's the number?
ALICE: Um. 867-5948. 800 867-5948. Want to write it down?
JANIE: No one will answer now. There's nobody there. We're not really active yet.
_Whispers_
That's your number, stupid.
ALICE: Not so stupid. He won't remember.
BRAD: Yes I will. I've got an uncanny memory for numbers. For example, 867-5948.
ALICE: But you won't need it. Victims call. And girls who are a bit bewildered about what might have happened to them.
BRAD: Right. Well, I guess I won't be needing your number either.
JANIE: Want mine?
ALICE: Look sharp. Your boyfriend is headed over here. Bye.
JANIE: I guess Miss Wants-You-Exclusively here has decided I have served my social function, as it were. Nice to meet you Brad. Maybe We will see you again?
BRAD: Should I call the hotline to get hold of you?
ALICE: Stop it. Good-bye, Jane.
JANIE: Bye Alice. See you at the, ahem, office.
BRAD: Nice girl.
ALICE: Yes, very. Now as I was saying . . .
BRAD: Yes, what were you saying? I had popped off to the men's room. No, we had just finished dancing. Well, I finished before I started. You're pretty good on your feet. I guess running away if there is danger would be pretty easy for you. You know, date rape and all kinds of weird stuff these days. Stalkers, for example. Going to some island somewhere and never coming back . . .
ALICE: Do you think about these things much?
BRAD: No. You? Like the date-rape crisis center and all that.
ALICE: No. We don't work there, if there is such a thing.
BRAD: I figured.
ALICE: But the number is good. Remember it?
BRAD: Sure. 800 867-5948.
ALICE: There is no 800.
BRAD: Darn. I was figuring on free calls, if I decided I needed your help.
ALICE: Do you think you might need my help? for something?
BRAD: I would like some help with a little project I'm doing right now. My fig pig.
ALICE: Say what?
BRAD: I am making a pig out of fig sticks and grape vine cuttings. I need someone to hold parts together now and then while I tie them together with string. I am all thumbs sometimes.
ALICE: Why? I mean why are you making this pig? Is it like a sculpture, or something for school or a competition?
BRAD: No. Just wanted to do something with my hands. Most of my time is spent doing head work. You know, in front of a computer. It is a nice change. To do something physical, where you can see and touch results.
ALICE: Oh. A pig, then. I see.
BRAD: Yes. Kind of a conversation stopper, isn't it?
ALICE: Nooo. But . . .
BRAD: But you don't know what to say, right? I know it is weird. People have their weird sides. What's yours?
ALICE: I'm not making any pigs right now, or anything. I'm. I'm . . . talking with you. That is my project right now. And it seems to be going . . . well, going. What else do you do when you are not doing your job? Are you into music. No, you told me you weren't. So, tell me what.
BRAD: It sounds like you are interviewing me for some position. Are you interviewing me for some position?
ALICE: No. I'm sorry.
--Pause--
Perhaps I better go.
BRAD: You just went.
ALICE: I didn't mean that. I meant . . .
BRAD: Time for you to talk. Tell me about you. I'm interviewing you now. I am looking for a non-profit, altruistic, shy do-gooder. Are you that kind of person? Or . . . talk to me.
ALICE: I like it when you do the talking.
BRAD: You're a follower not a leader? I don't believe it. You came over here trying to pick me up.
ALICE: I was not.
BRAD: Yes you were.
ALICE: Wasn't.
BRAD: Was.
ALICE: OK. I was. How am I doing so far?
BRAD: You like to play games. I know that . . .
ALICE: You're pretty sharp, for a jock.
BRAD: I'm not a jock. And you can't get me with that diversion. Back to you. What sports, for example, do you like to do.
ALICE: Geesh. You're tough. Where's Janie?
BRAD: Over there. Now, you were saying.
ALICE: I do aerobics. That's not exactly a sport. At least I don't think so. And I walk a lot. I love walking actually. Probably doesn't count. Let me see. I like to watch some sports.
BRAD: How about we take a walk sometime?
ALICE: Yes, that would be nice. But won't your girlfriends mind?
BRAD: They won't mind.
ALICE: How many did you say you had?
BRAD: I didn't say.
ALICE: Well?
BRAD: Jealous already? We just met.
ALICE: Right. Right you are. So what's your number?
BRAD: I have yours.
ALICE: Yes. Right. OK, then . . . good enough.
BRAD: Drink up. Our first walk starts now.
ALICE: Now? But I don't even know you.
BRAD: I don't know you either, but I have an emergency number you can call in case anything happens.
ALICE: Funny guy. Funny guy.
BRAD: Ready?
ALICE: Why not?
BRAD: I guess that wasn't so hard.
ALICE: What?
BRAD: Nothing. Let's go outside. We have some decisions to make.
ALICE: I'm game.
